We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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