I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
