It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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