Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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