i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
