My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
