i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
