Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
