He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
