It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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