I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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