he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
