i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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