im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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