the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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