My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
