Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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