I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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