We're like a lot better than the average bears
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
