I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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