I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
