I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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