thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
