Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
