This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
