my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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