remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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