the condom got lost in my hair
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
