you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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