Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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