Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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