If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
