just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
