After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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