what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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