I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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