It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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