i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
