I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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