If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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