I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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