If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
