Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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