OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
