How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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