It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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