I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize