I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
