i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
