Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
