this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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