did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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