Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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