I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
