you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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