You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
