I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
