I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
