I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
