the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
