no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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