You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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