it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
