we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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