i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
