When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize