I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
