I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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