My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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