The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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