Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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