I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
