Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize