Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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