i permit you to call me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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