It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
