he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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