before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
