Having a random hookup so left but love u
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
