Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
