Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Terrible idea I love it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
