so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
